It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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