Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
