Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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