I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
