Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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