I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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