I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
