marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
