whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
