oh god was she eating orange peels again
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
