I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
