Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
