Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
