I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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