I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
