I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
