Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
