I hate all girls vehemently.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
