So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
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