The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize
