fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
