I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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