I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
