This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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