Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
