Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
