so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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