did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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