she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
