you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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