I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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