Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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