i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
