At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
