Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(415): View more from California

I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.

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(513): View more from Ohio

I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this

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(815): View more from Illinois

Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.

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(630): View more from Illinois

i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot

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(239): View more from Florida

MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.

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(770): View more from Georgia

Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.

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(512): View more from Texas

We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

What is your life?

(315): View more from New York

A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.

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(206): View more from Washington

The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.

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