Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I'm really busy with my period
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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