i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
