Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
