isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
