Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
