i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
you told grandpa to call you daddy
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
