Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
