they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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