i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
