Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
