I hope mine doesn't look like that
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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