Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
