Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
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