note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
