My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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