She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
