____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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