Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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