so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
