so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
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