Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
